People describe my sister Jamie as “a girlie girl” the same way as they would say, “Honey Boo Boo embodies elegance,” or “I enjoy the music of Nickelback.” She has only recently acknowledged the difference between pencil and liquid eyeliner, regularly gets manicures about once every never, and her idea of dressing up is by not wearing a hoodie. My mother frequently laments my sister’s refusal to partake in any type of retail therapy but has slowly come to terms with it.
My mom: When we need to buy clothes for Jamie, she goes to the store with us and waits around while the rest of us – her servants – pick out things we think would look nice on her. All she wants to do is leave!
As the least qualified person to commentate on personal appearances, my sister felt it was necessary to make known her opinion of my mother’s.
My sister: Now, Mom. I realize it is extremely hypocritical of me to be saying any of this, but don’t you think you’ve had the same hairstyle for long enough? Have you ever thought about, you know – changing things up?
My mom: I don’t want to grow my hair out long. And what do you know about hair, anyway? At least your sister knows how to style hers, but what can you do?
My sister: Wrong! I can style my hair seven different ways. I know how to
- Put it in a ponytail,
- Put it in a military bun,
- Put it in a messy bun,
- Blowdry it,
- Straighten it –
Me: Wait. You know how to straighten your already straight hair?
My sister: Yes. I can also
- Brush it, and
- Not brush it.